we love you now and always

Bambi

17/7/1999 - 5/12/2010

___________________________________________________

No matter how times I talk about it, I still cannot help but feel sad about losing Bambi. I feel unjust that she was taken away when I wasn't there. I feel unjust that I was not given a chance to bid my goodbyes. I feel unjust that I did not treat her like the princess she is. I feel sad because I won't be able to see her again. It breaks my heart to know that when I get back home in Malaysia, she won't be there anymore. She growled at me when I went back to Malaysia this summer. She was old, her hearing, sense of smell and eye sight had deteriorated so bad that she probably could not recognize me. It broke my heart and brought tears to my eyes but I rather that happen than to not be able to ever see her again. I didn't blame her because she had every right to be angry at me. Leaving home was something so hard to do, so hard to get use to. But I guess the people I left behind feels worse than how I do. But Bam Bam coudln't be angry at me forever, she was all lovey dovey with me within a few days. I remember getting a lot of news from my family about her when I first left. Out of everyone back home, she was my biggest worry. Age was catching up on her but I know with some tender love and care, she'll be able to make it, and she did! When I first left, she had chronic joint pain and severe constipation but when I got home during the summer, she was all spunky and active! She galloped around the house freely always. She hates it when we close the wooden door and would always scratch on it so that we'll open it. You belong inside the house Bambi, I don't know why did we let the old witch abuse you and I for so long before kicking her out of the house and finally making it a safe haven for you. The news of you going away forever was a big shock to me, until now I still cannot believe it, don't believe it, don't wanna believe it. I wished I could turn back time, I wish I could do something to make you live longer, I wish I could be there to enjoy the later years of your life with you. Bambi, I wished I did more for you, I wished I was by your side. I love you so much and words cannot describe how much I miss you and wished you wouldn't have gone so soon. Bambi....