Le blog

we love you now and always

2011-12-06T06:43:00.002+08:00

Bambi

17/7/1999 - 5/12/2010

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No matter how times I talk about it, I still cannot help but feel sad about losing Bambi. I feel unjust that she was taken away when I wasn't there. I feel unjust that I was not given a chance to bid my goodbyes. I feel unjust that I did not treat her like the princess she is. I feel sad because I won't be able to see her again. It breaks my heart to know that when I get back home in Malaysia, she won't be there anymore. She growled at me when I went back to Malaysia this summer. She was old, her hearing, sense of smell and eye sight had deteriorated so bad that she probably could not recognize me. It broke my heart and brought tears to my eyes but I rather that happen than to not be able to ever see her again. I didn't blame her because she had every right to be angry at me. Leaving home was something so hard to do, so hard to get use to. But I guess the people I left behind feels worse than how I do. But Bam Bam coudln't be angry at me forever, she was all lovey dovey with me within a few days. I remember getting a lot of news from my family about her when I first left. Out of everyone back home, she was my biggest worry. Age was catching up on her but I know with some tender love and care, she'll be able to make it, and she did! When I first left, she had chronic joint pain and severe constipation but when I got home during the summer, she was all spunky and active! She galloped around the house freely always. She hates it when we close the wooden door and would always scratch on it so that we'll open it. You belong inside the house Bambi, I don't know why did we let the old witch abuse you and I for so long before kicking her out of the house and finally making it a safe haven for you. The news of you going away forever was a big shock to me, until now I still cannot believe it, don't believe it, don't wanna believe it. I wished I could turn back time, I wish I could do something to make you live longer, I wish I could be there to enjoy the later years of your life with you. Bambi, I wished I did more for you, I wished I was by your side. I love you so much and words cannot describe how much I miss you and wished you wouldn't have gone so soon. Bambi....

2011-12-04T17:27:00.001+08:00

That moment where your friends say something and then you and your best friend smirk at each other knowing that you are both thinking of the same thing.

The moment where you say a lame joke quietly and hope nobody hears it cause its so stupid but your best friend catches you and laughs at you because they get your humor.

The moment where you miss them so much you could suddenly burst into tears.

I miss you best friend (boy and girl). We don't see each other everyday, hell, its been months since the last time we've met, but like a star, I may not see you but I know you're always there.

And you are always on my mind.

2011-11-26T13:32:00.002+08:00

Thanksgiving reminds me of how blessed I am.

2011-11-21T15:20:00.002+08:00

Was so annoyed with not being able to sleep for a few days now that I let it out on everyone around me. T_________T I'm such a bitch without my sleep. haiz

2011-11-20T14:44:00.001+08:00

mah all time favorite joke with mah super sexy voice. T___T

I laugh at my own jokes cause that's how I roll. #foreveralone

Cold Sore?

2011-11-19T04:56:00.000+08:00

So anyways, I had cold sore aka fever blisters aka Herpes Labialis. I bet you're freaking disgusted when you hear the word Herpes because you probably think cold sore is a STD but noh! I am a very kuai kuai lui and if I get an STD it would probably mean the end of the world because it will never happen! I am super defensive about that but I feel the need to tell people is Herpes. -_- Anyways, it is merely the same strand of virus as the STD Herpes. Cold sore is like the prim and proper cousin of the slutty STD Herpes.

Anyways, this is my first time getting it so I was completely clueless about what to do about it so I thought I would write a bit about it in case people google it and freaks out after seeing so much (too much) that google has to offer.

1) symptoms
The infected area (probably your lips or somewhere near your lips because the virus strives in warm and moist places) gets freaking itchy! Crazy crazy itchy that it is impossible to not touch it! That's pretty common for a lot of other things tho such as your skin being dry or something so how do you differentiate? It is when your lip is not only freaking itchy but it burns like hell also!

2) Causes
Probably the weather, stress, menstruation also can cause this or being infected directly from another person (don't share lip balm!) and some unknown factors aka I'm don't know. -_-

3) Treatment
There is no forever cure for this virus. Once you have it, you have it for *cues dramatic music* life. It will hit you once in a while if your body is not well taken care of. Anyways, I don't have any medication to recommend because I didn't use any. However, I bought Abreva (freaking expensive for such a small tube!) but didn't use it because when I got it, my cold sore was...kinda rotten. -_- It had open wounds and all those and didn't itch anymore so I thought I'd just save Abreva for the next time it happens. But from what I read, Abreva is great when you first discover you have a cold sore.

Anyways, how did I survive this horrible thing for around 14 days? I used ice! Whenever my cold sores burn or itch, I apply ice directly to it. That will not only help ease the itch and burn but also keep your hands busy. I also took Vitamin C for those few days because I needed to boost up my immune system(cold sore is a sign that your immune system is not doing good). Oh and I forgot to mention but I think everyone should already know this, DO NOT SCRATCH YOUR COLD SORE (freaking caps lock to show you how important it is)! That will make it spread like wildfire.

My remedies are simple and convenient but are freaking life savers! But of course, if you're sure it is a cold sore, get your Abreva asap!(apparently it doesn't work for some people tho...)

Without any medication or whatsoever, my cold sore lasted for about 2 weeks. The pain and agony of it was only for the first few days. After that my cold sore burst and because it was located at the side of my mouth, the only pain was from smiling, laughing, anything that has to do with opening my mouth too big.

Pictures

This is what it looks like when it first started to itch. Probably day 2 after the itch started. Freaking#$%^&*&^%$%^&* disgusting! Had to go class with this. -_- (had to blur the picture because you can see up my nose! hahaha)

The next stage, yellowish pus in the cold sore. (click image to see it clearer. -_-) Some people recommend to burst the pus but it's really ma fan because if you don't clean the pus properly, you risk infecting other areas! Plus you need to sterilize your needle (or knife if you're hardcore) with fire before you do this. Very very troublesome and scary!

Pop goes the weasel! The damn thing burst by itself. -_- Cleaned up the pus carefully with a lot a lot of cotton wool and I am left with an open wound. When I close my mouth, the wound would stick together so when I open my mouth it would huuuuuuurt because I'm tearing open the wound. -_-zzz

Here comes the scabs. Big chunk of scabs at the beginning of every day. It comes off a little slowly throughout the day as I bath, talk, laugh and eat. A painful process. -_-zzz

Bleeding after half of a Jimmy Johns sandwich. Impossible to finish it. T_____T

Ps: oh ya it's called feever blister because fever is supposedly one of the symptoms. But lucky for me, I didn't get it.

Pps: I had fever after my cold sores healed which probably had nothing to do with my cold sores. But seriously, engineering is so stressful that I've lost so much weight, got canker sores, got cold sores and then get hit immediately with flu, cough, sore throat and fever the night before my exam. -_-zzzz

Ppps: Sometimes it's hard to differentiate between canker sore and cold sore. Canker sore does not itch nor burn and is not contagious at all. Canker sore(sounds like a dinosaur hehe) is an open wound outside your mouth that has trouble healing and looks like this.

Not very good pictures but it's just like a normal wound that just wouldn't heal. (took around 2 weeks + for it to go away -_-)

Abortion

2011-10-24T22:25:00.001+08:00

An essay I wrote about abortion I thought I would share. I am disagreeing on the fact that abortion is made legal in the United States. I present my arguments by telling the Prochoice’s arguments and discredit it with Prolife’s reasoning. I wrote my essay in a way that I hope it will not only let my readers think logically but also feel it emotionally. Abortion is something that many of us would choose not to face or think about because we feel we are not affected by it. I constructed my argument in a way that I hope readers could feel connected to the issue, like trying to show them that they have a say in what happens to an unborn child’s fate. I hope that my readers will understand the severity of the issue and perhaps create awareness for them to come forth and be more involved in this.

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(not the best written essay with some grammar errors here and there but I did my research and given much thought to this issue so I feel I should share my findings.)

Abortion is the deliberate termination of a human pregnancy. It was legalized by the Supreme Court under Roe v. Wade 1973 and since then, there have been more than 44 million abortions in the United States alone, 44 million innocent lives executed without a fair trial. What draws the line between murder and abortion? Both share the same result, the end of a human life. However, according to the law, there is nothing wrong with aborting a child but you are sent to jail for killing a man. It sounds unjust but it is the fact of abortion. I was at first agreeable to the Roe v. Wade ruling because if you get to have more options in life, why not take it? However, after doing research on this topic, I cannot agree to the legalization of abortion. In this essay, I will shed light on both side of the story, the prolife and the prochoice.

An argument against abortion that prolife debates is that if a person is mature enough to be pregnant, she should be capable of caring for a child. People who are prochoice do not agree with this statement because they argue that the average American female begins menstruating at the age of 13; At 13, even though you are physically developed and can be accounted for as an adult, you are still psychologically not mature enough to take on the responsibilities of parenthood. However, even at the tender age of 13, a person who chooses to have sex should be highly aware of the consequences of their actions and be prepared to deal with it. We all understand the birds and bees of where does babies come from. Prochoice may argue that some young adults are not properly educated sex wise, but it does not matter if you do not know how an embryo is formed or how many months it takes to have a baby, the main point is that you understand the most common way to get pregnant is to have sex. Furthermore, the “burden” of having a baby would not rest solely on the pregnant mother’s shoulders; it would be divided between her, her family and the unborn child’s biological father and so, being as young as 13 should not be a reason to terminate a life. Aborting an unborn child is not a way of dealing with the pregnancy; it is running away from the responsibility of your action.

An argument that prolife claim is that abortion is murder. It is unjustly taking the life of an unborn child away and stripping away a being’s rights to live. Supporters of abortion do not see it that way. Their argument is that since the fetus is a part of the women’s body, she should be given the rights to decide what she wants to do with it. An essay by Judith Jarvis Thompson entitled “A Defense of Abortion” gives a scenario of this issue a different view point. Readers are asked to imagine themselves waking up in a hospital bed and finding a "famous unconscious violinist" hooked up into their back by a plug because his kidneys are failing and they are the only person in the world whose kidneys match his. They are told that if you unplug him, he will die. He needs them for only nine months, after which, he can safely be unplugged. From this scenario, a person who chooses to let the violinist die is the same as aborting a baby but from this view point it is easier to see how it is acceptable because you have chosen to outweigh your own life and your rights of your body to the violinist’s life and should not be seen as murder. As quoted by Dr. William F. Harrison, an abortionist, "When you end what the woman considers a disastrous pregnancy, she has literally been given her life back”. However, being pregnant does not mean that you have to choose between your own life and your baby’s life, being pregnant just means that your life will have a dramatic turn with much more added responsibility. Some might say that your social life will be dead or your academic life will be dead but that is focusing on the small things because nothing can be more significant than existence itself. Another viewpoint of prolife of the legalization of abortion is that it is like agreeing with Adolf Hitler during the holocaust.

A controversial argument that prochoice makes which is related to the previous paragraph is that a fetus is not yet a human being, like a sperm or an ovum; it is merely a living cell. Life would only start at birth that is why we celebrate birthdays. A fetus is a simple group of cells, a product of conception, not a human being; therefore abortion should not be seen as killing a life. However, the term fetus does not refer to it as being something without life; it is referring to the different development of life in the womb. Besides that, no other cells in the body are capable of combining and forming a completely new cell, an embryo is impossible to be created even for the advance technology we have. Using the term birthday to justify when life begins is not logical because birthdays are cultural, not scientific. Under Roe v. Wade, abortion is legal until the day of birth. An embryo has a heartbeat as early as the eighteenth day of pregnancy. How does something with a beating heart, an organ vital to sustain life not be a life? It is impossible to determine when life begins, prolife say it begins at contraception and prochoice says it begins when the baby takes its first breath but that does not mean that in doubt, we should be able to do anything that pleases us. Take the scenario of a hunter in the forest, he hears movement around in the bushes but is unable to determine whether or not it is an animal or a human, does this give him the right to shoot at it anyways? When in doubt, choose life.

Many supporters of abortion then turn their head to the scenario where a rape victim becomes impregnated with her offender’s child. Prochoice argues that under those circumstances, there should not even be a single objection towards abortion. Having to go through the ordeal of being rape is bad enough for the women, keeping the fetus will mean that she has to be reminded of the tragedy every day for the rest of their live. 1 in 3 women will be sexual victims in her lifetime; this means that 33% of women will be forced to live through the ordeal over and over again for the rest of her life unless she decides to abort it. Prolife may argue that the women can give the baby up for adoption however, what if the baby is never adopted and spends its life as an unloved and unwanted child in an orphanage, or be adopted by someone who ends up abusing them? Or what if the mother decides to raise the baby herself but hates the sight of it every day? Abortion would spare the fetus a life of misery. That is possible but two wrongs do not make a right. Being rape is a tragedy that nobody should ever go through but it cannot be a legit reason to terminate the life of an innocent baby. Why should the baby be given the death sentence for a crime it did not commit? I believe with therapy and much help from people around the baby’s mother, she should be able to love the baby because the baby is a part of her. Besides that, 1 third of the children conceived would have been mercilessly striped of the chance to live.

Prolife also argues that rather than giving women control over their body, it gives opportunity for exploitation. Abortion has become a tool used by men to escape the responsibility of parenthood which leaves women regretful for life. The man escapes without a single blame while the woman takes all the heat. Take the scenario where a young girl is convinced to go for an abortion by her family. Being young, frightened and confuse, she decided to listen to what they say. After the abortion, she feels the emptiness in her and regrets her decision every day of her life. So, did the choice of abortion give the girl control over her body or did her family use it to escape embarrassment? Prochoice would argue that at the end of the day, it was still her decision to be made. However, many pregnant women are easily influenced due to hormone fluctuations and shock of the pregnancy. If they were fully aware of the situation and the consequences, they might not have done an abortion. Making abortion an option is beneficial for everyone but the pregnant women. She will be the only one to suffer the ultimate effect of abortion, physically, mentally and emotionally. We all make choices every day and some choices can be undone and made right but abortion, taking a life away can never be undone. As Carol Everett quotes “the product, abortion, is skillfully marketed and sold to the woman at the crisis time in her life. She buys the product, finds it defective and wants to return it for a refund. But it’s too late.”

In conclusion, I do not agree on abortion as being an option at all. It is as though handing a guy a gun and telling him to do whatever he wants with it. Abortion is no different from manslaughter. Agreeing with abortion is the same as agreeing of a holocaust, the murder of millions of innocent lives based on our own stubborn thoughts. People’s point of view can change anytime, but taking a life away is a fact that cannot be changed. No matter what your stand is today or in the future regarding abortion, there should be no reason at all to terminate a life. "But I feel that the greatest destroyer of peace today is abortion, because it is a war against the child - a direct killing of the innocent child - murder by the mother herself. And if we accept that a mother can kill even her own child, how can we tell other people not to kill one another?” as quoted by Mother Theresa.

Spare some time to watch this video. Only 30minutes of your time.

2011-10-18T22:30:00.002+08:00

don't know where to start. so much on my mind right now.

2011-09-18T06:02:00.000+08:00

I am feeling pretty down. So down that I choose to sleep than to skype with my family, which was the pick me up that I desperately needed. sigh

I want to talk to someone so badly, but nobody is there and words just won't come out.

happy lantern festival

2011-09-14T05:52:00.000+08:00

eating mooncake like a baaaaus. Not gonna cut it up into small triangle pieces because I'm the only one eating it!

Doing nasty shit to the mooncake because I don't need to share it.

forever alone................

2011-09-04T14:25:00.000+08:00

getting my hair dyed and

THIS SHIT IS FREAKING ITCHY.

Anyways, the color is dark brown or something. Doesn't show at all on my hair but I just wanted a little bit of color in my hair. Nothing too striking but something other than black because straighten + jet black hair + short hair = noob. So yeap. And I was afraid of going too light because I hate to stand out here.

It's getting pretty cold here! Kinda like genting highlands' weather. brrr No more shorts and flip flops boohoo :(

Cooked this today!

Homemade fried pork ball, vegeeeee (bak choy or something) and supposedly red honey chicken but I don't have chicken so I used pork instead. Om nom nom nom nom

Felt like the luckiest girl in the whole wide world to see the abundance of food I brought from back home. And then I felt homesick. :*( But it's all good, must grow up! :*)

Girlie rambling....
So happy that my hair was long enough to be tied like that BUT after a very very very short while, everything became so messed up. grrr No like gravity! -_-
okay end.....

2011-08-30T05:08:00.000+08:00

are u as confuse as me?

Very confuse about my gender. Y i still look like boy! T________T

2011-08-25T00:07:00.001+08:00

2011-08-23T00:32:00.001+08:00

2nd day back in the US. As usual life is really laid back and boring here.

Been unpacking these few days. 1 luggage done, 1 more to go. Feeling extremely loved when I unpacked. I knew bringing 2 overweight luggage would be worth the trouble.

Can't deny I still miss home. Cried almost the entire time during my flight from Malaysia to Singapore. I just don't wanna leave home, don't wanna leave the people that makes me feel so special and important. I miss them so much already!

people that were never too busy to spend time with me

2011-08-18T03:19:00.004+08:00

feeling majorly heavy hearted again as I pack for my trip back there. I know I'm extremely lucky to be given the chance to study oversea but I still can't help but dread the day I go back there.

Surrounded by a loving family, a bunch of awesome friends and 6 very loyal dogs who never fail to cheer me up. Everything I need in life is here, why did I ever choose to leave.

I choose to be in an unfamiliar place. To be out of my comfort zone. To be away from my loved ones. And as miserable as it sounds, it's actually pretty....good. Pampered my whole life by people around me. They shower me with love and kept a watchful eyes on me so I don't get hurt. In Lincoln, I am beyond the coast line, too far for them to take care of me, to protect me. I have to learn to fend for myself and be independent. And I am glad that it happened! Because I would have been too arrogant to see my own flaws.

Everything that happened, thinking about it now, makes me feel pretty worried about going back. I feel like I'm being thrown into a dark cave, partially ventured into but still so much about it not known. I fear my confidence being tear down again. I fear being invisible again. I fear all those and not having anyone there for me. Back here, I've got everyone to back me up. But there, I don't know....

I still feel pretty sad about things that happened in Lincoln.... More than that, I am afraid that it will happen again. I don't want to feel so depress that the only way I could take the pain away was to feel pain from elsewhere. I don't want to feel so alone. I don't want to feel like a nothing, not worthy of love from anyone...

Hopefully this time around I'm strong enough and wise enough to handle everything.

Anyways, back to my precious back home. I will so miss everyone here. They all play such an important part in my life and every smile I make is because of them. I hate to know that I have less than 48 hours left with them but everyday I am there, I will always cherish the time spent with them. Priceless memories forever remembered. 2 years ain't that long larh hor! :*)

feels like a boy part 2

2011-08-12T16:06:00.001+08:00

low V cut so people won't have time to notice my hair -_- If I wear t-shirt, 110% look like a boy! If I wear glasses, look like 13 year old girl! HOW TO MANAGE THIS KIND OF HAIR!!! T______T

2011-07-20T02:09:00.000+08:00

Ohai there! Brownie here! Owner of this blog is too lazy to wait for stuffs to load that's why she hasn't uploadedany pictures yet! She took lots and lots of pictures of us but editing it takes too much time because picnik takes forever to load and she doesn't like it! But be patient and hopefully she will spend some time uploading our QQ pictures soon! Bye bye

2011-07-11T18:17:00.001+08:00

gonna leave Lincoln to Omaha in 40 minutes for my 9.45am flight! Excited! Can't believe this day has finally come! I really miss home a lot!

2011-07-06T18:44:00.000+08:00

worst period pain ever! woke up at 4am due to the pain. went to take a hot bath because apparently it helps but almost fainted in the shower because was nausea. Quickly sat down in the shower because my whole world was tossing and turning, hands were feeling cold. Blacked out a little while while sitting down, luckily I made the quick decision to sit down! Waited for things to get better and then got up again but was a mistake because the moment I got up I felt like I was going to faint so I sat down again and waited for things to get better. and I have finals tomorrow.....sigh

2011-07-05T12:33:00.000+08:00

OMG 1 WEEK LEFT! ♥

2011-06-28T10:26:00.000+08:00

Lamb craving, satisfied!

Sour thing craving, satisfied! Made mint sauce to go with the lamb which was cooked to perfection by TQ! It was juicy, tender and flavorful! Om nom nom nom nom

Still damn sien that lamb is so freaking expensive here! Double the price of a 1 pound steak! meh shi oh -_-

Forgot to take picture cause I was busy om nom nom-ing.

So excited about going home in 2 weeks that I couldn't sleep last night! So many things going through my mind. Wondering if I'll have enough time to do, eat and see everything! I'm contemplating whether to go out kaw kaw or stay at home and spend some major quality time with the dogs. Weekends need not be mentioned, it will condamnfirm be spent at home with my family, or outside with my family, main point, with my family!

Coming here, I realize how much my family means to me. How that at the end of the day, they will love me for who I am. They even love me for all my flaws. And I am just so excited to be back by their side.

To be home, where I belong.

freaking ta pao all the salted fish, tom yam paste, rendang powder, sambal and everything here man! Tu lan with limited choices of asian food and very blah ang moh food. -_-

champion

2011-06-28T01:34:00.001+08:00

TQ dancing like a slut

Tq dancing like a slut in neon colors!*cues techno music*

hahahahahahahahahahaha

6/27

2011-06-27T15:34:00.000+08:00

Made a twitter account cause I wanna follow Zu and Fion! hehe

Made some gifs cause I was bored!

My birthday!

Tq's Birthday!

Zu's 19th bok bok chui birthday!

Team Chiling waterfall!!

Me Almaz and Phaik Teng!

me fat hao-ing cause boobs looking bigger than real life...hehe

OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG 14 DAYS UNTIL I'M BACK WHERE I BELONG!!!

♥home!

and tornado warning issued in Lincoln! O.O! scary

2011-06-20T06:32:00.002+08:00

feeling depressed as hell because I screwed up my only subject im taking this summer. sigh

And working out (hehehehehehehe) makes my body feel like crap! fugg!

2011-06-19T07:52:00.001+08:00

Hi hi.

I baked marble cake,

Looking fine~!

I killed a spider. RIP I didn't mean to hurt chu.........

And I act cute..

Bye bye.

2011-06-10T13:28:00.000+08:00

While watching Dalas vs Miami's 5th game. Go Dalas! (TQ is zzz-ing cause he didn't sleep the whole night AGAIN!)

Magical love shape right in the middle of TQ's toast!

2011-06-06T12:04:00.000+08:00

This

and this,

PERIOD PAIN!!!!!!

$%^&*(*u&^%$#@#$%^&*&^%$#@!@#$%^&

2011-06-05T18:20:00.000+08:00

No matter how many times I've watched Titanic, I'll always cry. Turns out the love story between Rose and Jack is fictional! Should have known real life couldn't possibly be so romantic. *_*

Baked cheesecake on Thursday. The preparation was pretty tedious, not the usual mix and bake I was accustomed to. Anyways, the end result looks like a pepperoni pizza from far. haha

Didn't put much thought into the swirling pattern thing when I was dripping the strawberry so it turned out looking real messy, but still pretty okay!

I guess summer is officially here! Finally don't need to check the weather every damn morning before heading for class. No more worrying that outside will be too cold! Feels great to feel the long loss warmth of the sun on my skin! I would definitely choose feeling hot than feeling cold any day any time!

Looking shabby because I've turned my night and day upside down. Sleeping real late, like at 3 or 5? and waking up real early for class and then sleeping the day away after that until it is night and the cycle repeats. Anyways, jizz in my pants the sun feels so good! *hugs self*

Missing home again. I miss my family so much. I wanna feel tightly wrapped in love and care!!!! And I am so freaking eager to see my dogs! And I hate being clothes deprive. Everytime I skype with my family, my sister is always in something new that I have never ever seen before, which means she bought new clothes! argh I want! And I wanna get cleaned ikan bilis! Every night rotting in front of the TV peeling the head and shit out of the tiny ikan bilis!

byebye

2011-05-30T15:10:00.000+08:00

Baked cupcakes on Thursday but ended up overmixing it and it became all coagulated. But the cupcake was good that everyone gobbled it up in 2 days! (It tasted nothing like a cupcake though.-_-)

Went to Westfield on Saturday and had China Buffet and Mongolian Grill! yum yum

Going to bake cheesecake this week because TQ requested for it! Hope it turns out fine!

Oh and lastly, the most important thing, it was my MUMMY'S BIRTHDAY ON SUNDAY, 29TH MAY! Skyped with her and she had plans for me when I'm back. Can't wait to be home! The puppies are getting so big gosh! :*)

Here are they!

Starting with the eldest, after Miracle, Fei Fei!

A mini version of Fris Fris!

Third, Mindy. She's daddy's little girl.

Adorable!

Last but not least, Brownie!

She looks like a teddy bear!

And here they are, our three little precious girls!

2011-05-22T18:15:00.001+08:00

Went to eat lobster for the first time in Red Lobster today. I think it's pretty good but I wouldn't go back there any time soon. Bernard and TQ says its not fresh lobster but frozen lobster that is why its like so-so.

Lobster tail!

er....hi?

TQ and I snuggling on the couch while watching Harry Potter and the prisoner of Azkaban. TQ didn't sleep the whole night so he ended up falling asleep!

Today wasn't a really good day. We missed 3 buses throughout the whole day. Pretty unlucky. But still a fun day. Life's too short to dwell on life's frustrations.

Been sleeping real late the whole week and waking up pretty early for classes and what not. Feel and look like a zombie. aiyoyo

Anyways, countdown less than 2 months to the day I'm flying back to Malaysia. CAN NOT WAIT! First thing I'll do is have a first look at my puppies! Anyways, since I'm going home soon, I've been trying to get as many stuffs(mostly stuffs which are not available in Malaysia or cheaper here in the States) for my family as possible. I just bought like 6 Coach bags here for my mum, sister and auntie! It's really cheap here if you shop at the right places which are Coach's factory outlets. The most expensive bag I got was around USD130 and its the black one below. So it's really really cheap compared to how much they're selling it in Malaysia. Didn't buy anything for myself which I was so tempted to but I kinda don't feel like owning a designer bag yet. Don't feel like I deserve it yet. So yeap. TQ bought me a DKNY bag a while ago and I have only used it....once. He choose it himself but the handle is too short for me to throw over my shoulder so the only way I can carry it is by carrying it like a rich "tai tai" or something, which I'm not. So yeah....:| Feeling pretty wasted that I don't utilize the bag more often. I would have returned it had I know I could because TQ gave it to me the moment I touched down in Lincoln and I was still really noob about the return policies here in the USA.

Got these bags through Fion, Edy, Mun Wai and Chun Kit! Fion was the main person I asked for help from and she did her very best to get me the bag I wanted! She borrowed Chun Kit and Muny's phone to skype with me so that I could choose the bags "live"!! TOUCHED TO THE MAX! :')))) And then Edy brought it back from California to Lincoln! Totally owe them a meal!

Anyways, I later found out from TQ that coach actually has an online factory outlet shop! I searched high and low for an online store selling handbags at factory outlet prices because I don't believe in buying stuffs at full price (they always get discounted sooner or later!!!!) but couldn't find any. Turns out it is because this online factory outlet store is extremely exclusive about the people allowed to view their items. (I sign up a few days ago but have not heard from them yet! -_-) Anyways, lucky for me TQ is a member so I used his account to shop, but of course I paid for it using my own money. Oh and not only are they very picky with the selection of their member, their sales are really really really short, as in like less than 12 hours and it was from midnight until sun rise or something like that. Ridiculous. Anyways, bought 4 more coach bags online. And I bought some other stuffs for my other family members but didn't take pictures of it because I guess I forgot. I already packed them in my huge luggage and one of the two luggage which I'm taking home is full!! >________<

Sleep!

2011-05-18T10:12:00.000+08:00

Another day spent moving and unpacking.

2011-05-17T12:24:00.000+08:00

Today was the first day of my summer class. Only had 1 week of break after my Spring semester. zzz

Anyways, holiday, do what?

Monday
Went to Best Buy to get Jerry's TV and PS3 (booyah!) then watched Thor in the cinema. Kid's show. Too many loop holes for my liking, a waste of time if you asked me. (I was actually pretty excited for the movie because I saw many people, girls in particular, posting in fb stating how epic Thor is.) Anyways, it was really disappointing. If you want a mindless movie with quite a fair bit of "cool" scenes and a pretty hunky lead actor as eye candy, this is the movie for you. If you want something more complex, this would feel like a freaking waste of time, seriously. -_- Anyways, this was my first time watching a movie in the USA and the theaters here are much bigger than in Malaysia and I did not freeze to death in the cinema unlike back in Malaysia. After that, we dota until the sun rice.

Tuesday
Went to Walmart to get groceries and dota a little bit until the sun rise again.

Wednesday
Went to the Oriental Market to get stuffs to cook dinner. TQ was craving for fried chicken so we cooked fried chicken, half boiled eggs, Miso soup and some vegetable. Super stuffed and then it was dota time again..until the sun rise. yawn

Thursday
Slept the whole freaking day. Woke up to cook fried mee hon for TQ and I and went back to sleep again until the next day.

Friday
Went to South Point to go shopping with the boys because Edy wanted to get some summer clothes. We all ended up buying something because everything was on sale because it was black Friday (Friday the 13th). We then dota until the sun rise again.

Saturday
Edy and Jerry went off for their LA trip. The remaining of us, Ah Liang, YY, TQ and I went to Westfield to exchange VV's shoe and to shop for a slipper for Ah Liang. We all felt like zombies because we dota-ed the whole night and didn't sleep. Anyways, got things done and bought 4 pots of flowers to be put in our rooms. Oh and we ate China Buffet or something for lunch which took us quite some time to find the place because we went the opposite direction thanks to TQ's brilliant plan to "wear us out so that we will feel hungry so that we will eat to our maximum potential during the buffet".

Sunday
Moving out time. Moved my stuffs out from my room because I have to move out before 5pm. Bye bye holiday. :(

Ps: Hi I'm Justin Bieber and all the chicks are crazay over my girlish charm, except probably the Hong Kong people....

Bye

2011-05-08T14:41:00.005+08:00

Just when I felt down, life gives me inspiration.

I wanted to watch Family Guy on TV but turned to the wrong channel so I stopped awhile to see what it was about.

It was an interview about this guy, name Augie Nieto. What caught my attention was that he had difficulty in speaking and that he was in a wheel chair. Turns out that he has ALS, amyotrophic lateral sclerosis (google yourself please). Anyways, he's a very good role model. His story is very inspirational, like many others who have made a mark in the world.

Just google this name AUGUSTINE NIETO. What you read may be the fuel you've been looking for to motivate you. (Specifically using the word fuel because it was what he told his interviewers who were teenage girls.)

Augie Nieto

I've been very down lately. Probably because I've been focusing too much on myself. I told myself before to focus outwards, life will be happier like that because it is impossible to please yourself.

There is this one issue that has been really bothering me and it is the loneliness. I don't know many people here, don't have much friends, don't have many that I can trust. But it was okay because I told myself that I wanna take my time with that. I wanted to choose my friends, I wanted to go with the flow (as in I was still friendly to everyone I met but if we did not contact each other *or adding that person as a "friend" in FB. People with 1000 friends, you sure?* afterwards or anything, I wouldn't care.) because I felt that was the most genuine way a friendship could be constructed, that I let fate decide the course of your friendship. Of course that is an excuse for being lazy, not wanting to step out of your comfort zone. Even though realizing that, I am still taking things slow, taking my time with this issue in particular, because it is not my top priority. But I contradict myself by getting so upset about it. Feeling that people would see me as a loser if they knew that I came to the USA just to be alone and friendless. Close myself up to being alone. That was what made me feel very upset.

But I know, so what, if I knew a lot of people and a lot of people knew me? Would that get me anywhere in life? No matter however you thought of it, that was called popularity. I see many others being soaked into that. How can we not? We all want to be accepted and loved by everyone right? Probably because it makes us feel good about ourself, makes us feel like we're a somebody. But then I thought, 10 years from now, no, 5 years from now, would it even matter? Would it even matter if I was welcome by everyone and that everyone always included me in their plans? Would it even matter if I had plenty of friends? No it wouldn't. I had plenty of friends in Inti, after less than a year of being away from Inti, it doesn't matter now. And that was what got me through most of my days which were spent alone rushing from class to class and trying to keep up. Because at the end of the day, what defines you isn't the people around you, it's your brain and your heart. (Inspired by what Augie said, it isn't your body that defines you but you brain and your heart.)

Anyways, enough about the me-s and I-s.

Today is Mother's day! My mummy has been incredible. I did not understood this earlier but everything she did was for my very best. She did all she could to shelter me from the ugly side of the world. So that I won't be stained by the impurities of the real world. That was why she was so strict with me. I understand, and I couldn't love her any more than I do now. Being here, away from home, my family have been the most consistent people in my life that have been there for me through thick and thin. Never judging me. Always motivating me when I fall down. Always caring for me. My mummy, always selfless ever since the day I was born. All you ever wanted in life was to give the very best of everything you had to me, jie and Lung even though we're so ungrateful...:( Unconditional love, my words can only crudely define how 伟大 it is. I love you mummy and the only place I wanna be now is right by your side. Now, to put a picture of my super lovely mummy!

My sui cha boh mummy! (Taken this year only wei! She's my yummy mummy!)

Happy mother's day to all mothers world wide. You all deserve a day to pamper yourself for the great selfless deeds you all have done!

2011-05-08T03:01:00.006+08:00

when u're down and out, u think people close to u will understand perhaps these are just not ur good days, that u're still the same good person they know. But nope, they will look at u the same as others will look at u, that there's something wrong with u and they will pick on ur flaws that have suddenly become so obvious and account them for ur failure, making u feel like the worst person on earth.

That you deserve to be a nothing.

"Because I'm in love with her and I don't wanna hurt her feelings." By Kurt from Glee. Seems that, that does not imply for all boyfriends.

I'm not looking for a good looking, rich or smart boyfriend. I just want someone to be there for me during my ups and my downs. Someone to side me no matter what because he trusts me enough, trust me enough to believe in my judgments, trust me enough to know that through mistakes I will learn, that there is no need for the only person I trust so much, I love so much to hurt me with his words who "he don't mean". Someone who loves me for who I am...

Why do I keep going back to this? Because it hurts me so much, hurts me more than you'll ever know nor understand.

Because I feel that the world has turn its back on me. But I'm happy and lucky enough that I have you. But turns out, you were observing and judging my actions too. That you could not stand it too. That you were no different from my "friends".

I thought you were my soul-mate, I honestly did. But, if this side of me is so unbearable, a lifetime with me would probably be too much.

Every time I try to tell you, we end up arguing and going our separate ways. I walk away feeling worse about myself.

I used to feel so good about myself when I'm with you, now, I don't know.

2011-05-07T13:51:00.000+08:00

hihi! Super duper happy because rainy days are over and the sun has come out and play. Trying to sound cheerful and poetic and ended up forgetting what I wanted to talk about.

Anyways, obviously I am very happy cause I finally finished all of my finals! I kinda screwed all of them up, or should I say I was the one getting screwed....Vulgarity aside, I did very bad for ALL of them and it will be impossible for me to get an A for any subject other than for my English. Blabla complaining aside, I'm gonna start packing and tidy this pigsty.

Would you cross the world for me? I doubt so.

2011-05-05T13:50:00.002+08:00

sad

2011-05-05T06:42:00.000+08:00

Even with no prior work experience even though I'm already 20 years old(holy shit), I can get a job I can get a job I can get a job I can get a job...I hope I can!! >.<

Two tests tomorrow and I still can't focus! ahhhhhhhh

YY got me lots of donuts yesterday! Super happy about it and gobbled them up for supper this morning with TQ. So today, I decided to wake up wee early in the morning to get donuts with her, before other cheapo asians get to it first. hahaha

Confirm will gym kaw kaw next week! But for now, om nom nom nom nom nom nom nom.

Yesterday CSC test like shit. I had period pain before and during the test. -_- But nehmind, am just really glad to be done with it! Bye bye Matlab! I hope I don't fail it cause retaking it would be a torture! T_______________________T

I just realized one thing, I might have been able to graduate in 2012 December if I organized my subjects properly for this semester. Oh shoot! :S

2011-05-03T02:44:00.001+08:00

Wore like this to eat lunch

because I saw that outside was like this.

(hot spring day?)
LIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES! -_-

I had goosebumps because it was pretty cold outside! Not winter cold but definitely not warm enough to wear shorts even though the sun is scorching! I am so confused with the weather. @.@

back to studying. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

_______________________

Oh and today marks the death of a mass murderer with followers, that's what I think of him :|, Osama Bin Laden. He not only killed many many innocent Americans, he also caused the death of many of his own people. Whatever logic that made sense of that and helped him sleep at night will no longer help him get through his day because he'll finally face the music, in hell. One less sick person like him on earth makes the earth a safer place.

self motivate

2011-05-02T14:18:00.000+08:00

Hate that I tend to feel so much lately when, even though out of my comfort zone and living in a less comfortable environment than in Malaysia (but still doing relatively good), I am still considered very lucky as a person to be able to learn so much more and maybe make a difference in my life.

I mean I created this blog because I had so much to say, but so few that would listen, be it insignificant stuffs or not. And my emo posts are just temporary outburst of temporary feelings I felt. I understand that you get sad get angry get frustrated sometimes in life but that doesn't matter because you still move on and strive to be better. So I won't blame anyone or anything for "not being there" for me because sometimes, those feelings go as abrupt as it comes and its okay that I have to deal with it alone.

This is a path that I have chosen and I damn well know that it's going to be tough. From fitting in to the feeling of being alone in everything, those are really the small things that may seem important now but counts as nothing towards my bigger dream.

I want to build sky scrappers, I want to build convention halls, I want to build hospitals, I want to build power plants, I want to build things that when I'm gone, will still be there. And I'll go through anything to achieve that.

where are you when i need you the most

2011-05-02T03:41:00.007+08:00

I hate it when people give you shits when they're having a bad day. Like suddenly everything is your fault.

____________

Feeling crazy sad because I'm so hungry but i can't cook cos my housemate was using the kitchen. So I waited for her to be done, but she left a big mess in the kitchen sink and she left her halfly eaten food in the pot which I wanted to use, I can't throw her food away or store it aside because she'll get angry. So I'll have to not eat.

What saddens me the most is not having anyone here to do things together. I have never mind going to class alone and all. But I just want a companion to have fun with. F is for friends who do stuff together, u is for u and me, n is anytime and anywhere...haiz

I know this is a bad time, but its so weird that they have time to procrastinate but no time for me. Just feeling so lonely here. I feel lonely in life in general. Friends back in Malaysia don't even care about me anymore which brought me to realize, how many of my friends back in Malaysia were actually a friend to me.

I know the logic behind it because I treated my family this way. They would go out and I would give the reason that I was "busy" with a test so I didnt wanna go with them. I ended up procrastinating like no one's business anyways. 24 hours is more than enough to finish what I need to study if I had not procrastinate. When there were limited time for me to spend with my family, I regretted how selfish I was before...

When you love somebody, you wanna do everything special and fun with them. You wanna share everything that's good in life with them.

My family would always bring me out when I wanted to go out and I guess my family are the only people who will ever love me and accept me for who I am.

A superficial world we live in. "Friends" stick to you when you're a "somebody" but nobody's there when you seem insignificant to them. Even people close to your heart starts to look at you differently. They doubt your personality because at that moment, "nobody likes you". Nobody is up all the time and frankly, what defines you are the down times. What makes you realize the people worth giving your all to in life are those that sticks by you, without a single doubt, without judging you through the situation that you're in, that you're still the same great person you were when they first decided to help you through anything you face.

I just wanna go home, to my family.

2011-05-01T07:10:00.001+08:00

*Decided to import my essay about smoking here* (and I revised it and included something slightly more)

My lecturer had us write reflective essays this week. I wrote about smoking. A reflective essay felt like a judgmental essay to me because I feel the whole content of the essay is about judging something or someone. I thought it would be an ease for me because if you knew me, you'll know I have strict principles and tend to judge people a bit too heavily, and perhaps too frequently. But instead of being a walk in the park, this essay was pretty tough to complete. My essay feels like neverending ramblings and rants.

My essay goes like this,

Burning the Habit

Walking pass Avery hall, the choking smell of cigarettes caught my attention. There were two guys smoking in front of one of the halls. Dressed casually in jeans, they stood there, huffing and puffing on that stick of burning paper and tobacco that let out an unpleasant smell.

I have grown up in an environment where the smell of cigarettes was a part of my life, like the piano in the living room that has been in the family even before the day I was born. My father is a smoker. He has been smoking since he was 18 years old. He would always smoke in the porch with me on his lap.

“Papa, why do you smoke?” I looked up at him and asked. “Papa smokes because it is a habit papa cannot stop.” He answered. “Then why did you start smoking papa?” I questioned again, eager to find out the answer. His did not answer me this time. Even though puzzled by his silence, I did not question more as I understood adults have problems that I will never understand because I am still a child.

As I grew older, I decided to embark on a mission to unravel the mystery of my father’s smoking habit. I understood that smoking is an addiction, but what I did not understand was why people would even choose to start at all. I thought it must be something with the taste or the chemical compounds of the cigarette. Perhaps cigarette works similar to how painkillers or alcohols work in which the sensation of pain is temporarily suppress or altered giving the consumer relieve and a rush of endorphin. All effects are, however, temporary and thus create a need for more or in other words, an addiction. That was to be my hypothesis for my experiment and I was to be the guinea pig. My first time trying to smoke, I inhaled what tasted like burning charcoal, let it sink in and then exhaled. I coughed because the lasting taste of the cigarette disgusted me and my throat felt like it was on fire. What I experienced next was a rush of sensation of vertigo and dizziness at the same time, nothing like what I expected. What cigarette did to my body made me feel sick. I still could not understand the pleasure of smoking. Determine to find out what makes people smoke, I tried many times even though traumatized by the nausea feeling from my first attempt. Many people told me that I could not truly understand why people do certain things unless I experienced it firsthand. “You would have to be in that person’s shoes to understand why he would do what he chooses to do” was something a friend told me. And so I did, I tried smoking so many times that I could grow accustomed to it; I could smoke without a disgusted expression nor cough and I would not feel lightheaded anymore. I even managed to disguised myself as a smoker and participate in a smoking survey to earn free cash. But yet, smoking was nothing enjoyable that I would choose to make it into a habit and thus the answer to my question was still missing.

Knowing that I could not understand the logic of smoking from the senses’ point of view, I took a step back and turn my attention to the less direct causes of smoking which are the influence of the media and peer pressure. Smoking has been perceived to be something “cool” by many people and I feel the media is one of the parties to be blame. Before 1988, many cigarette companies paid to advertise their brand in movies. Lead actresses and lead actors would usually smoke a tad too often in the movie prompting viewers to idolize the habit because of their idols. Besides that, actors or actresses who smoked were often the heroes or heroines in the movie and this created a link between smoking and characteristics that adolescents find appealing which are toughness, sexiness and rebelliousness. The media has brainwashed the society’s perception of smoking and made it something desirable and attractive when if looked at base merely on cold hard facts, it is nothing close to desirable but the opposite of it. With an ideal image already created by the media, teenagers are the first to fall prey as they are at the vulnerable age where they are confuse and searching for their true identity. They would do anything to fit in with the society’s ideal image of being “cool”. This is a valid reason for starting smoking, however, I was a teenager once but why did I not get buy in to this shenanigan? What sets different teenagers apart from each other that some are immune to this “infection” while some are not? My researches and experiments left me with more unanswered question with my original question still a mystery.

My preservation of wanting to find out why people smoke is probably fueled by disappointment. Since small, I have tried many times to convince my father to quit smoking. Even at the tender age of 5, I knew of the harmful effects smoking causes. I would always tell him, “Papa, if you stop smoking for one day I will give you a present!” I would eagerly wait at the end of the day with my little handmade card for him just to be disappointed by the smell of cigarette coming from the porch. I wanted to know, why my father would choose to continue this unhealthy habit even though it would disappoint me. I needed a logical explanation for my dad to smoke when there are a million reasons to quit.

My curiosity died down when my father was diagnosed with Diabetes. He has heavy dark eye circles and looks extremely haggard because he has thinned down so much due to the Diabetes. He is no longer all jumpy and active; instead he is always tired and worn out. I no longer wanted to find out the reason for smoking; I just wanted to find a solution to it; I wanted him to stop smoking.

Call it an irony, but my boyfriend smokes too. He managed to quit smoking for a while but chose to continue smoking again after giving me the reason that smoking helps him meet new people. I feel history repeating itself. Seeing him now I could imagine what he would look like 10 years from today. Teeth yellowed by tobacco stains, tired looking eyes due to yellowing of the sclera and blacken nails. The damage done inside his body would be far worse; arteries all clogged up, lungs coated with tar like soot in a chimney and a weakened heart due to oxygen deprivation.

I told him in tears: “I do not want to see you become like my father when you are old. I do not want to be the one to tell you “I told you so” when you face health problems affiliated with smoking. I do not want to feel regretful because I did not stop you from smoking before so much damage was done.” He then promised me that he would from then on be a social smoker. That was not the answer I wanted to hear because at the end of the day, he was still smoking. It became obvious to me that the reason for his inability to stop smoking is not because he could not stop smoking but because he did not want to quit. As the saying goes, when there is a will there is a way. I always believed in that and the fact that people could not quit smoking “no matter how hard they tried” seem to contradict with my belief. But I could not say more because I had no right to limit his behaviors.

The term social smoker means that the person only smokes for socialization purposes. It was another way to say that “I am capable of controlling my smoking habit because I will only smoke for reasons other than my own cravings”. Yet, I wonder how a person claims to have stopped smoking when everyone around him is smoking. My uncle once gave my auntie the same reason for his smoking habit and ended up meeting people who were equally insensitive of others health, who would not hold responsibilities for their own actions, who were smokers. Besides smoking, those friends of my uncle had other deviant habits such as drinking and gambling. A few years after knowing them, my uncle lost all their savings in gambling and my auntie had to start working to make sure that their family of 5 had a roof above their head.

Smoking would almost always lead to gambling and drinking. When you walk into a night club, it is probably covered in a layer of smoke thick enough to suffocate a baby; when you walk into a casino, most of the gamblers admit to being a smoker. I cannot agree to the action of jeopardizing your own health and the health of people around you to meet new people and worse of all, people that might be a bad influence to you.

I cannot understand the reason behind smoking. Smoking only proves to me that you are ignorant towards the wellbeing of others by slowly killing people around you with your second hand smoke. Besides that, it also shows me that you have no regard for money and choose to burn your money instead of using it for a better cause or something more substantial. However, neither my father, my boyfriend nor my uncle is such a person. They are caring, nice and sensitive to other’s needs. They are not the kind of person I see smoking. Why do they oppose their sweet and kind nature by engaging in this nasty and vile habit known as smoking?

Smoking is a way of poisoning our body slowly; impairing a perfectly functional network of systems given by our parents with venom at the expense of 10 dollars per box. Stop hurting yourself and the people around you, stop smoking.

Digging and early grave...Hmmmm

_______________________________________

Studying environmental engineering, everything they do puts human health as their top most priority. I study a lot about waste management, drinking water and recently, air pollution. The EPA(environmental protection agency) works very hard to ensure everything is safe for human and tries hard to reduce the risks of death due the various pollutants as well as from the things we consume. What saddens me is to know how harmful smoking is but watch helplessly as my love ones smoke their life away.

Here are some important death causing risks I read.(numbered for you convenience)

1.The lifetime risk of death due to cancer of smokers is 0.16. What does that number mean? Imagine, the lifetime risk of death due to a car accident is 0.013. That should put things into perspective.

2. Smoking ONE SINGLE cigarette puts you at a lifetime risk of 0.7 x 10^-6. Seen alone, that number feels insignificant. But you know how people say you can't keep taking X-ray too frequently because it is harmful for your body. Well, ONE chest X-ray puts you at a lifetime risk of 10^-6. So, smoking one cigarette is something like getting a chest X-ray, but doing it 4-6 times per day.

3. We all know that carbon monoxide(CO) is harmful to the body but what most of us don't know is what amount would be harmful enough to be fatal. To make it easier to understand, 50ppm of CO for eight hours can cause COhb(carboxyhemoglobin) level of 7.5 percent. A COhb level of 5-10% is enough to cause impairment of visual perception, manual dexterity and ability to learn. Now that you know those number, you must be wondering what does that have to do with smoking? Well, the average concentration of CO inhaled from cigarette smoke is about 200-400ppm! So don't blame the lecturer when you can't catch up in class.

Given the OBVIOUS health risks, why do we still continue to smoke? I really hate to see people smoking especially people close to me. Is it really worth it? It's like watching an accident about to happen yet helpless to prevent it. I don't wanna see my loved ones go before me. One lifetime is already short enough, I want more time with you, but why are you taking that away from me? sigh

2011-04-29T14:39:00.001+08:00

Super proud!!!!Handed it in 30 minutes before the due date, ohhhhhh yeaaaah I'm living life on the edge. haha

Now, moving on to my next assignment which is due in less than 12 hours! arghhhh

And after that, I gotta study for my finals. More than 20 chapters to be completed before Tuesday. Can do or cannot do? CAN!

Because every time I fall down, I realize I always have great people around me to help me up. A blessed life I have. Bless with the most wonderful, supportive and forgiving family. I miss them more than anything.

And I kinda enjoy being so busy! Makes me appreciate a lot of things and realize a lot of things. One of which is bitching and procrastinating gets you no where. It may feel good for awhile but it may create undesirable consequences that may haunt you for a long time. *looks down at my previous post with dodgy eyes....hahaha!* I'm a change person...for now? heh

After May 6th I will finally be free to do things I wanna do! Yay

2011-04-27T09:52:00.001+08:00

I use to love who I am when I'm around you. But now, I don't know who should I be anymore.

______________

OMG! So frustrated with my final projects!

1. Matlab! I hate you and I hope to never see you again! AutoCad ftw lorh! :S

2. Environmental! I wished I studied more about you so that I was more prepared! I know I could have scored better but OMG y all your assignments so 300 level hard?! arghhh

Besides having my final projects, I also have...finals. -_- Feeling real jealous that YY and the rest only have one or two finals! Gah so unfair! Honestly US system is so different! In malaysia, finals would cover everything that we have learned and would be a fixed percentage of our total grade for all subjects BUT NOH! Here in USA everything also different! Cultural sock (hehehhe), I mean cultural shock to the maximum! arghhhh

HAIZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Post Easter

2011-04-26T10:09:00.001+08:00

Mellow things aside, there are still plenty of people that loves me and since I'm already here, I might as well make the best of it and let the negative things slide and just enjoy my time here! Am I right or am I right? hehe

Super excited to see a package of sweets hanging on my door when I got home from my classes, IT'S KRABBY PATTIES from YY !

Anyways, went over to Walmart later on to get heaps lots of chocolates and Easter stuffs to bring back to Malaysia! Got more Krabby Patties as requested, nerds for my family to try, Laffy Taffy (always wanted to try this!), Reese's, and the most awesome tasting chocolate, Ghirardelli! Mostly bought are mend to be souvenirs to be given to my family and some friends.

Vanilla marshmallow cute Easter bunny for my sister because it reminded me so much of her!

My sell fish uncle aka grey Pua Chu Kang boots, it's actually a rain boot! Wore it today because it rained the whole day. boohoohoo

Anyways, back to this themeless post.

Heeeeeeeeeeeello gummy Krabby Patty!! Look how excited Spongebob is! haha Very disappointed in the taste because I expected it to be much more awesomer because I remember everyone loves a Krabby Patty!

Anyways, just ate my Laffy Taffy and they have jokes written on each of the Laffy Taffy wrappers (cues Laffy Taffy music)!

1. Why is it so hot in a stadium after a football game?
Because all the fan have left!
2. What do you get from a fly, a pet and a car?
You get a flying carpet!
Highlight the area beneath the question to reveal the answer!

if everything is wrong in your life, then probably, you are the problem.

2011-04-24T11:22:00.005+08:00

today is one of the lowest day since I got here. if there are things about someone that can be tolerated, why do you need to voice it out? Why do you need that person to change? I have always judged people severely but rarely those very close to me, those that I hold close to my heart... Or at least state it out, because I don't wanna hurt nobody. And I'll eventually accept it if possible. Because I thought loving someone would be accepting everything that they are...

I know I have a nasty mouth...but no more, it will be super glued, stapled and machine sewed so this nasty mouth of mine will never hurt myself again. Never gonna expect anyone to accept the genuine me because now I know, everybody hates the real Amanda Quah Sue Ming.

The truth hurts. Like a blunt knife pushed up on your neck. Cutting you, hurting you, but not sharp enough to kill you.

And I won't expect anyone to understand the pain. Because pain is personal. It belongs to the one and only one who feels it. Thus, I'm sorry I feel angry towards small things, things that you feel I have no rights to feel angry about. But I could not control my emotions, what I could control was my actions, and I am sorry my actions gave you knowledge of my anger. I promise, never again will it do so.

I wished I could be angry now, instead of feeling all alone, depress and disappointed.

_________________
One important thing I learned after coming here for less than 2 months is that people will talk shits about you, things that are not true about you, things that are mend to hurt you because they don't know you, because they misunderstood you.

But another thing that I learned after 4 months of being here is that people close to you will do the same too, but not because they misunderstand you, the reason behind it is because they feel they are doing good for your benefit... Not that I want a sheltered life with no downs at all, I understand that downs are there to make u learn and grow up but I just did not expect the downs to be from the people that I love.

"Inside the heart of each and every one of us there is a longing to be understood by someone who really cares. When a person is understood, he or she can put up with almost anything in the world."Rev Ed Hird

2011-04-22T22:50:00.000+08:00

Just finished one quiz and another one more to go later. Feeling crazy tired and just wanna stay at home to sleep but I have skipped waaaaaaaay to many classes. -_- With a lecture hall filled with 200 students, it is impossible for the lecturer to notice you're not there, thus, no motivation to go for classes.

And friday friday.....gonna spend time in the Library. Ugh I have this assignment due this coming Monday and have not even started yet. sienssssssssssssss

Blogging spree because this is my way of procrastinating. -_-zzz

how to save a life

2011-04-22T09:54:00.002+08:00

Today was slightly different. I finally met my advisor to help me settle it out. So, I'm really glad to have met her because I finally got all my questions answered. Before meeting my advisor, I already enrolled myself for 3 prerequisite classes which is 9 credit hours. Now, I am enrolled for 20 credit hours for the fall semester.(hahaha insane right!) Doing this so that I can graduate in May 2013 and so that I won't need to take classes during Summer 2012 so that I can perhaps apply for an internship then.

Another thing different today is while on my way back from my English class, I noticed a bird struggling to fly or something on the ground. I went closer to have a better look and realize that the bird was injured. Either in the wing, the leg or the tail because it could not fly nor walk properly. The first thing that popped into my mind was the story of the boy who found an injured bird in which he brought home and nurtured it back to full health. I thought I could do that too. So immediately I scooped it up with both my hands, being very careful not to cause it any pain. It did not freak out or anything in my hands. It was really quiet and calm. I feel it was probably cold and the temporary warmth from my hands brought it comfort. Today was as usual a very cold day, probably was 7degree celcius when I found the bird.

Anyways, after a while, the bird started to struggle and make noises. Worried that people might think I'm hurting it, I had to let it go on the floor and see if it's capable of flying or something. I watched as the bird struggle to be normal. It kept falling down every time it tried to walk. I felt so sad for it because it reminded me of my gerbils. I remembered before one of them died, he was struggling so hard to be normal, to walk, fighting hard to hold on to life. It brought tears to my eyes because I'm so fucking useless like that.

Anyways, an American girl saw the bird and asked what's wrong with it. I told her I think it's injured and asked her what we should do about it. She said she don't know what to do but she would recommend not touching it. I find that very offensive because if by taking it home I could its life, whatever infections that came with that action would be worth it. But TQ told me not to think too much of what the girl said because birds are normally very dirty. He told me that the girl was probably telling that for my own good. Then I asked TQ if he would feel the same way too, and he said no he wont! He'll definitely get the bird to safety. duhhhh

Then, another American guy came over and asked what's wrong and "is the bird having a spasm or something" -_-. We told him the bird is injured and asked him if he had any suggestions to what we should do about it. He was like :" nah, I wouldn't worry about it. I mean there's plenty of them(birds) here." I was like WTF? I was thinking, there's plenty of assholes like you, why do we bother saving people like you then? hmmm I know this bird dying won't offset the entire ecosystem or anything but a life is still a life...sigh

Anyways I took the American girl's suggestion and told the front desk about it. That idea was probably equally illogical as the idea I had of bring the bird home with me (Because my housemate is a pre med student and I thought she would know what to do! And she's local so if there was a need to bring it to a vet, she would know how to and where!). Anyways, the front desk girl was asian BUT HAD TROUBLE UNDERSTANDING MY "ENGLAND". -_- And she too did not know what to do. All she did was told this other guy who said he will get ground people to dispose of the carcass. -_- The bird is not even dead yet! sigh

Luckily I bumped into another fellow Malaysian (who was probably the only helpful one throughout the whole situation) and she came with me to have a look at the bird. She then gave me a great suggestion which was to get a box and put the bird in there and bring it home. And so I rushed over to Selleck's basement to get a box but once I came back to the bird, it was dead....

Sigh. I got really upset because that whole situation made me feel so helpless. Had I knew what to do and panicked less, I might be able to safe the bird, a life.

2011-04-22T07:15:00.005+08:00

What comforts me on my loneliest days here is the warmth brought upon by strangers here, especially people in the public service industry.

I take the bus to and from East Campus three times a week sometimes more and the bus drivers are usually very friendly. They greet you when you come in and wish you a good day when you leave. Some may say it is mere manners but then why don't bus drivers in Malaysia do that? (Probably because buses in Malaysia stink of the mixture of the body odor from the three races. kidding......)

Even cashiers at most of the grocery stores are very sweet and nice. There was once in Walmart where it was my first time using my debit card and I thought it works like a credit card so I kept signing on the electronic signing thingamajic. The cashier was kind enough to guide me through slowly and patiently. Anyone that can tolerate my stupidity gets a gold star from me! Furthermore, whenever they greet you they flash a smile that feels genuine. It feels nice to see a smile rather than a sour rotten face. I don't get why malaysian cashiers have such an "I hate the world" expression. If it is that miserable to work as a cashier, then quit. Don't be a hater! At least you are being paid to do this right? :S

What made me really wanted to write this is the janitor in Abel's dining hall. He has speech disorder but yet he gives out a positive vibe. I can feel his optimism towards life. I feel bad because people like him deserves so much more. People who have so much in life complain day in day out and asks for more than they can chew while people like him never asks for anything more than the shirt on his back. People like him is glad that to be employed and choose to live his day and complete his duties with a smile on his face.

Our satisfaction level varies even though given the same item because some people choose to ask for less while some people choose to acquire more.

Owning less does not make you less of a person. Why ask for more when what you have is already enough.
___________________________

TTQ's Birthday!

2011-04-19T04:42:00.002+08:00

Happy Birthday boy!

Hope you liked the stuffs we did for you and hope you can wake up now so I can take you out for lunch! :O

away from home, different people I meet

2011-04-18T03:03:00.000+08:00

Friends come and go. I came here, not expecting anything from anyone. But yet I met a friend who is nice and genuine in nature, and so we bonded.

But for those people out there, who comes by as a convenient friend, there because they need something from you, those are not friends. Day in day out, people will use each other no matter what. And I have come to accept that, accept that that does not make them a bad person. What saddens me is friends who act nice to you, make you believe in them but let you down simply because they don't give two fucks about your feelings and then come back to you because they feel bad for you..or again they need something from you.

Friends who do something out of convenience, and say it is for you, and then say it in your face it's not for you. People who ACTS nice, will never do things thoroughly, they do things half heartedly, because they don't mean to give so much for you, because you were never a friend to them, because you are no longer useful. A fallen bishop in a chess game.

It happens a lot in Malaysia, but coming here, everyone being away from home, I thought people would learn and grow up. A little niceness goes a long way because we are all here, alone and away, from what's familiar to us. But no, they don't appreciate the priceless friendship that came with them here. Everything done for them counts for nothing compared to people they hardly know but are "something" here.

It saddens me, to see you upset. It saddens me that people like them, are not aware of the damage done.

Through tough times do their true colors show.

2011-04-17T11:24:00.001+08:00

her hair was up in a ponytail
her favorite dress tied with a bow
today was daddy's day at school
and she couldn't wait to go
but her mommy tried to tell her
that she probably should stay home
why the kids might not understand
if she went to school alone
but she was not afraid
she knew just what to say
what to tell her classmates
of why he wasnt there today
but still her mother worried
for her to face this day alone
and that is why once again
she tried to keep her daughter home
but the little girl went to school
eager to tell them all
about a dad she never sees
a dad who never calls
there were daddies along the wall in the back for everyone to meet
childeren squirming impatiently
anxious in their seats
one by one the teacher called
a student from the class
to introduce their daddy,
as seconds slowly passed
at last the teacher called her name
every child turned to stare
each of them was searching a man who wasn't there
she went to the front of the class
as she smiled up at her mom
and looked back at her teacher, who told her to go on
and with hands behind her back
she slowly began to speak
and from out the mouth of a child came words incredibly unique
'my daddy couldnt be here
because he lives so far away
but i know he wishes he could be
since this is such a special day
and though u cannot meet him
i wanted you to know
all about my daddy and how much he loves me so
he loved to tell me storie
she taught me to ride my bike
he surprised me with pink roses
and taught me to fly a kite
we used to share fudge sundaes
and ice cream in a cone
and though you cannot see him
im not standing here alone
cause my daddy is always with me
even though we are apart
i know because he told me he'll forever be in my heart"
with that her little hand reached up
and lay across her chest
feeling her own heart beat
beneath her favorite dress
and from somewhere in the crowd of dads
her mother stood in tears
proudly watched her daughter
who was wise beyond her years
she finished with a voice so soft
but its message clear and loud...
'i love my daddy very much
hes my shining star
and if he could, he'd be here
..but heavens just too far'

2011-04-15T10:03:00.000+08:00

This week has been such a long week with most nights spent burning the midnight oil instead of catching up on my beauty sleep.

So I had 4 tests , 4 assignments, 1 take home quiz and 1 programming exercise since spring break which was two weeks ago. Busy shit! My body feels so damn worn out. But what kept me going was the great weather. It went up to 32 degrees on the Sunday! Bliss!

Out of my 4 tests, all was above average except for my environmental. I got a 75.5...and the class average is 90.:( But my other subjects got pretty good. In the 90 range (hohoho), except for CSC which I got a 62 but the average is 60, ABOVE AVERAGE OH YEAAAAH!

Weather is being a bitch again tho. It's raining pretty heavily today. With mighty strong winds.

2011-04-12T11:33:00.000+08:00

I feel so super duper smart! Managed to construct a program (partially, lecterur was nice enough to spare us 40% of the torture by giving us the Laplace equation for the program) which plots a heat map of a surface!

Spent about 5hours plus(comparatively short. Usually needs more than a day! :S) in front of the computer debugging this shit and still it is not complete(Not counting time used to program this!)! :S My color map button (on the left!) is not working so I can't figure out why. grrr So I'm gonna go seek help from one of the Teaching Assistance tomorrow.

One major thing I learnt since I came here, there are really some things in life which you CANNOT solve by yourself! It is not wrong to ask for help!

Headache because I slept real late last night trying to figure this stupid thing out! @.@ Migraine

2011-04-11T08:37:00.001+08:00

It was 32 celcius yesterday! SO AWESOME! Felt really like Malaysia on a good day!

And it was *looks at post below* our 1 year anniversary! Did not do anything special but it's all good.

Went to the rec (Recreational something Center) to exercise a bit with YY. I love going to the rec with her! First we workout and then we chill in the sauna and sweat our asses off. Pretty proud that I have not gained any weight, instead, I lost quite some weight. I used to be 47kg back in Malaysia but now I am only a 45.7kg, despite eating like a pig since I got here. I am guessing I lost weight because of all the walking I have to do and the harsh weather. Plus I am really getting bored of the food here.

Writing a reflective essay on smoking.

2011-04-10T13:47:00.002+08:00

1 year anniversary means nothing to some people worh.

"If we celebrate every year's anniversary quite waste money right?"

Fine lorh.

Stop and sniff the flowers

2011-04-09T05:00:00.000+08:00

Spring time! Sun is shinning, birds are chirping, flowers are blossoming and squirrels are mating(O_____O)!

y u no meme

2011-04-08T13:50:00.002+08:00

feeling pretty...UGLY.

So I did

this

this,

this,

and this.

HAIZ

No like my short hair! Long hair helps hide the uglyness!

2011-04-04T06:41:00.000+08:00

Ahhhhhhhhhhh omg so stressed to the max! Seriously every weekend I feel like I am standing at the tip of a huge mountain. -_- I just got done with 2 assignments and 1 test last week and here I am again, feeling equally shitty (probably more), trying my very best to cramp information into my already congested enough brain. 3 tests next week! ahhhhhhhhhhhh I. Am. So. Not. Ready!

Not wanting to be a hypocrite because I complained about brats complaining about their schoolwork so much on Facebook and now here I am doing the same on my blog. Except the fact that I know that I am not the only one facing this BUT WHY?! Why is college life so tough? Actually, college life in Malaysia was NOTHING compared to how it is here! Everything is insane here. It is impossible for me to get 1 week of chilling time. Even during my spring break I had to rush for my assignment and study. argh! Beh tahan I just wanna go back to Malaysia and lepak all the time. -_- There are double the amount of assignments and higher standards as in 80-89 is a B and you fail if you get anything less than a 70. Seriously! And I thought I could handle 15 credit hours. What I did not expected is how stupid my subjects would be this semester. Seriously. Anthropology? Matlab? Statistics? I am suppose to be in my junior year and here I am taking freshmen subjects. All thanks to my horrible study plan in Inti and last minute decision to come to UNL. Seriously, plan for your future and you can really safe a lot of TIME AND MONEY!

Rant aside, it's study time! zzz

Oh oh good news! Spring is (I THINK) finally here! No more false hopes! No more wearing sneakers and freezing my feet off regretting not wearing my boots because I trusted the weather forecast. Tomorrow is another drop in the temperature but it's okay because after that its up up here we go! Yay! (Oh i said spring is coming because I see flowers budding!!)

two-oh

2011-03-31T17:51:00.002+08:00

Hi hi! 20 year old girl here! hehe

Pan leng leng cause its my 20th birthday!!

Surprised me at 12 midnight! All had early morning class the next day. Failed surprised but I am many many grateful! :*)

Awesome people who made my birthday a happy one! *Mainly TTQ and YY~*

And many many happy wishes from my family and close friends! I feel loved! *hugs self*

2011-03-30T02:31:00.002+08:00

I am so tired but I still have so much to do! ahhhhhhhhhh

College life sucks!

2011-03-21T14:10:00.000+08:00

yay spring break.

Spent my first two days lazing around, doing nothing. Have not studied or anything even though I am in deep trouble and kinda almost failing all my subjects.

Had a very pleasant surprise, folks from Iowa, Munwai, Chunkit and Ben10 were in town. They were on their way back from Chicago I think. Was nice talking to them again. Gave me a nostalgic feeling that we're in Inti again. I miss them so much. I can't click with anyone from the engineering field so well. So far, I have only met ....1 civil engineer friend.

Feeling awful but I will start working hard now. I really have been thinking, about giving up completely and just start over in Malaysia, and finish there because I don't deserve to be here.

2011-03-19T04:00:00.000+08:00

green green for st patty's day!

(weather was good enough to wear mini skirt to class! woohoo)

pupupupupupuppies!

2011-03-16T12:07:00.001+08:00

Introducing Brownie, Mei Mei! Papa Friskee at the background! *Humans are keh leh fehs!*

Say hello to Magic, Fei Fei the Polar Bear!

Grizzly Bear and her two Polar Bear sisters (right one is Magic!!)!

Fei fei sleeping like a teddy bear!

2011-03-11T05:09:00.001+08:00

Regret ever coming to Nebraska. Alone in every single thing I do because I choose to be with you. At least if I'm in other places, I wouldn't be called petty and obsess. You will never understand my logic and I will never understand yours. My insecurities you will never understand and ur impatientness towards my insecurities I will never understand. Why be together when we're miserable together. Go get back your friends, who doesn't call you anymore because I am here as I am no longer here.

oh?

2011-03-10T11:51:00.000+08:00

Was an usherer for Malaysian Night. Pretty fun and didn't expect it to be such a big event. There were 400 guests including students all the way from Drake and Iowa!

Bought an eyeshadow from elf and it came 2 days before the event so I thought I'd utilize it!

Followed some make up tutorials from youtube and end up looking like a panda.

So instead, I went with a more subtle make up picked up from the best self learn site ever, youtube.

It was compulsory for us to wear Malaysia's traditional outfit and I am so thankful I brought Jie's cheong sam with me! The last time I wore it it was form 4 during Merdeka. It was much tighter!

Lost quite some weight since my highschool days.

The boy was somewhat, kinda formal. Should have picked his outfit with him! Knew he would simply grab something to wear!

Super pro picture!

Anyways, back to that night. The night was a success! Performance was probably the highlight of the night. The committee really did a great job with it. The idea itself was brilliant! The performance was like a drama about a girl's adventures in Malaysia in search of her father after her mother passed away. It was kinda a drama mix musical that help educate the guests about Malaysia. It was really creative and entertaining! There are plenty of pictures floating around in fb under the name Malaysian Night.

More about it

HERE(Malaysian Night was featured on the front page of Daily Nebraskan!) and HERE.

Was really surprise to see so much commitment put into this and am very glad that their effort paid off. Alamak! was really a great show. Had me laughing non-stop even when I watched it the second time!

2011-03-05T00:06:00.002+08:00

meet my new handsome friend

2011-03-05T00:03:00.002+08:00

Puppies are fat and healthy!

I decided to name the middle one Brownie. Cause he's so brown and I love brownies!

baby Miracle

2011-02-28T04:08:00.001+08:00

Miracle 26/2/2011 - 27/2/2011

The most unfortunate event happened to you and we all know how strong you were in overcoming it. Though short lived, your courage to hang on will always be remembered. Though short lived, you were greatly loved by all of us and will be greatly missed. The loss of you is painful because we all loved you the moment you came into this world. I really wished I had the chance to meet you, but sometimes life is just too fragile. RIP Miracle, I know you're in a better place now.

First Valentine's

2011-02-17T12:56:00.001+08:00

Pampered by TQ.

One of the presents from him

Dinner date at Wasabi! with my handsome boy. He doesn't look too happy because service was baaaad!

The cutie from across the table! hehehhehehehe

Such a sweetheart!

2011-02-11T08:01:00.001+08:00

That's UNL's engineering building back there! Was in the study room until 3am studying and trying to debug my Matlab program yesterday night.

And today, I finally completely debugged it! Took me two days to figure this shit out. Turns out the problem was not due to my programming but was because of my lack of understanding of the problem! *nerd talk hahahaha* Anyways, major sense of satisfaction! So grateful for Bernard who helped me a lot in this! Seriously, computer language is an alien language to me!

Vday coming! How sad that Vday is on a Monday?! :(

This year so many people pai tee kong! I wanna pai also! :(

2011-02-09T12:37:00.000+08:00

omgomgomgomg farkinnnnnnnnnnnnng happy! Finally partially constructed a program in Matlab to calculate some nonsense! I couldn't have done it without a copy of Bernard's example!! Computer science is really a whole new language for me. :S

Seriously have been feeling so weighed down by assignments, homeworks, tests and quiz. I feel so stupid in my engineering and computer science class. You ever feel like you won't make it through the week? Lost my appetite probably because I am feeling so pressured. Plus the harsh cold is not making things better. -19celcius this morning. :(

On a lighter note, vday coming! First vday with tq!

Bought lots of new stuffs last Saturday at the mall. Happiest buy was this shoe! Shoes buddy with YY! haha Bought two sport shoes but have not make any attempt to go to the gym. Lazyness and the weather is the main culprit! heh

Moving on to another tedious assignment. sigh

2011-02-05T00:17:00.000+08:00

This week has been tiring with 1 quiz and 1 test smack right in the middle of the week, I am already usually busy with assignments and homeworks, and 1 quiz at end the week to add to the burden. In addition to the horrible weather condition, tiredness seems to be a fixed feeling. Horrible weather condition but no break from school...Can this week get any better?

It was chinese new year yesterday. Got up feeling like shit but had time to get ready so in a way dolled up cause I wanted to look pretty to welcome the starting of the rabbit year! And of course I wore red. Even though I didn't have any new clothes, red should have been enough to remind me it's cny. And that was the closest I would get to being in a CNY mood. I started to regret feeling an annoyance towards CNY songs being played everywhere during CNY. Feeling crazy homesick as I see pictures sent by my family.

I miss them so much.

2011-02-02T11:58:00.000+08:00

It is Chinese New Year eve in Malaysia and I am currently studying for two tests tomorrow. hmm

Really wishing tomorrow will be a holiday because it is snowing cats and dogs here. haha But no seriously. The weather is nassssty! Roads are slippery as hell! hmm

2011-01-27T20:50:00.003+08:00

felt like shit just now. Woke up feeling shitty which is very normal and proceed to preparing for class. But once I was in class, I was struggling to stay awake in ALL of my classes. I really was. Everytime my lecturer had their back turned on me, I would cherish that few seconds of freedom and lie my head down on the table. As the day went by, my head felt heavier and heavier, feeling like my world is turning round baby right round...Finally went home and slept and felt much better when I woke up. TQ came over to take care of me while I was resting back home. I lost my appetite so he bought me brownies. Super grateful of him because I think I would have died alone if he had not come. Best bf in the world!

nice weather!

2011-01-25T13:30:00.001+08:00

crazy tired feel like sleeping now! But cannot cause I haven't finish my assignment yet NOR STUDY!!!! Ahhh Didn't even studied during the weekend! Spent my time doing my environmental engineering homework. Hard to the H to the A to the R to the D peace out. -_- fucking tu lan and tired. Started my day at 7 until 3.30 but felt like I've been studying from 7 to 12. What little time I had for break was used to walk to my classes and get my assignments done. Farking tiring can die. Starting to time my journey from different halls to different halls and from main campus to east campus, have to take bus wei that one, b to the u to the s. fucking tulan and tired. Everyday run to bus station always either snowing or the snow melting so the roads very dirty. But today even though I feel extremely tired, I felt extremely happy also because TQ passed his acturial science professional exam! I feel like I'm more happy than him because he didn't really layan me. evil. Anyways, on my way home from classes I noticed how nice the weather was farking nice 3 degrees omgomgomg! Ridiculous that 3 degrees feels so good, I really cannot wait for spring to come! Anyways even though it was pretty warm, only some of the snow melted, those snows that were not stepped on were still very fluffy and cold! So TQ and I went to one of the Courtyard's entrance area and build our own.........SNOWMAN!!!!! Didn't really have a snowball fight. I mean I threw a few snowballs at TQ but he didn't return fire..................

Talking and typing like this because I am feeling talkative! No more being depressed about being alone. I is happy no matter what happens...I think.

ahhh assignment....and have to do laundry. damn sien no cambodian maid. Where is cheap labor when you need one! *haha super asshole statement*

Oh and I feel like a bimbo in my environmental engineering class. Everyone is so intellectual, talking about intellectual stuffs that leaves me dumbfounded for 10minutes. This class is taking everything I have learned and more and applying to real worldly problems. Sad thing is that I forgot everything I learned. *Jumps down from.....I don't even know where to jump down from. -_-*

2011-01-24T05:51:00.001+08:00

Stuck in my room, chained down by my assignments on such a lovely afternoon. grr

2011-01-23T15:28:00.000+08:00

When life gives you lemon, throw it away, eat some home cooked food and then watch the Matrix with your friends!

2011-01-23T06:42:00.000+08:00

Taking things slow. Not expecting anything amazing to happen. Not expecting to be accepted completely just thought I deserved to be treated with respect. Why do we have to encounter people like that. Specially when I'm just trying to adapt to everything here.

Life thus far

2011-01-22T17:09:00.003+08:00

I made a few drafts of my experience here but felt I had too much to write so I am just gonna list them down and make it short and sweet.

1. How does snow feels like? Feels soft and fragile. Like very refine sand, but more pure and delicate. I was major excited when it first started snowing and walking in the snow gave me delightful feelings. But then I have been walking alone a lot nowadays cause my classes are very far apart so usually when it snows I just walk really fast. If I have time I'll always stop and collect snowflakes on my palm. They're really pretty. Or I'll kick the snow or make a hopeless attempt to roll a snowball (HOW THE HECK DO YOU DO IT?!).

2. Gaining some weights! My meal plan started one week ago (2nd week of college) and I have been eating mostly meat and cheese and drinking Mountain Dew everyday. I rarely eat vegetable because I usually have two plates filled with food as my appetizer and don't have any room for veggies when I'm done with that. I like my cafeteria's because they have such a huge variety of food there! Pizza, fish fillet, spagetti, nachos, soup, salad bar, cereal bar, hot chocolate, ice-cream, sandwich bar and occasionally chinese food (which really sucks though). Oh and I'm mostly eating a lot of beef and fish because chicken and pork is not very nice here. Got a bit weird taste.

3. Have been having quite some mood swings. The thought of going to a class where I am completely alone kinda saddens me. Especially when I have to walk so much, in the cold or when I feel so lonely. lost and clueless... But I snap out of that state pretty quick with the help of TQ. He's been there for me through thick and thin and helping me through my problems and what not.

hahahhahahahhaha

hahahhahahahahhahah

okay decent shot!

4. I miss home so much. I miss my family I miss my friends. Saddens me to feel like I am not a part of my friends anymore. But reading my family's email replies comforts me a lot. Hurts to see my friends skype with their family. I miss my family so so much. sigh

5. Have been adapting quite well to the cold. Skin is quite itchy but nothing some Cetaphile and moisturizer cannot cure. But have been getting cold sores on my hand and I had this cut on my lip for about a week or so and it couldn't heal because it kept cracking everyday. Other than that, I'm pretty okay with the cold, thanks to my boots and new mittens. The mittens I got from Winter Warmers are shit! Totally useless. I was so cold that day that I had to buy heat patches. But after I got my new gloves, I didn't even needed heat patches anymore. I kinda have a way of walking so that I don't feel cold which is keep your hands in your mittens and keep them warm in your pocket, heads wrapped in beanie and if got hoodie you'll feel super bahagia. Heads down and just walk fast. Snow also not sked! haha Oh and plus I eat a lot to cope with the cold. You'll die in the cold with an empty stomach! DIE!!!!

fat hao x 2 hehe

This is what I wore today. Nothing thick except for my coat on my left hand. The main key for me is to keep parts of my body which are easily cold warm like my hands, my feet and my ear. So for those, I have very good mittens (which are actually the same price as my Winter Warmers mittens, bought it from Amazon), two thick socks and boots and a beanie that covers my ears and sometimes I wear my coat's hoodie. I look like an ezkimo but it doesn't matter here because nobody cares! haha

6. I am coping pretty well with my classes. Everything I'm taking this semester is nothing crazy challenging to me EXCEPT my environmental engineering subject. The book is crazy expensive, USD200 which if you convert (and I know I shouldn't do that but if I don't convert, Imma go on shopping spree and leave my dear parents with a long list of debt. So yes to converting everything and realizing how fucking expensive everything here are. USD 3 omg so cheap, but convert RM9, erm I'll have to think about it....) Anyways, back to my classes, that particular class is really something different. Assignments every week is normal here but the assignments are really challenging. I actually feel like an engineer when I am in that class.

7. Best time of the day? SHOWERING! Shower with fucking hot water until my feet and hands become red like what happens when you cook lobster! But the hardest time of the day is getting into the bath tub and getting out of it. But I rented a heater from my front desk so my room is warm all the time. *bahagia*

8. Housemates. I had a really good first impression of them but I feel one of them don't really like us because she wasn't as friendly as when we first moved in. hmmm

9. Not all Americans will treat you with respect and see you as their own despite the different skin color. Some are assholes and you just can't do anything about it but stay far away from them and their negative energy.

I guess that's it.

2011-01-19T10:19:00.002+08:00

Hate going through facebook because I don't feel a part of my friends anymore. Forgotten.

It was snowing again today! omgomgomgomg! Super awesome feeling. But got annoyed after awhile because I was walking against the snow and the snow kept flying into my eyes, like they're attacking me. Was damn cold! Luckily I got new gloves, boots and beanie to keep me warm. Bought heat patch but mm seh dak use cause quite expensive. -_- Here what also expensive IF you convert. but if you don't convert, you'll buy the whole shop. So best is you convert and only buy things you really need.

Gonna take the bus alone to east campus tomorrow. CONFIRM get lost. I got lost a few times in City Campus already this few weeks. Now that I'm finally getting pretty familiar with here, I have to venture out and get lost again in East Campus. Lost + Snow = Cry at corner sell matches.

Goodnight!

all is well

2011-01-18T13:57:00.000+08:00

Really am not able to graduate in 2 years.....MIGHT not be able to go home this summer.....

Doing well though! Keeping warm. Weather today was awesome! 4 degree when I went out. When I'm back in Malaysia and when I go to Genting, I'm gonna wear short pants. Genting highlands sao bei larh.

byebye

2011-01-03T07:10:00.000+08:00

touched down in Lincoln around 7.30am on Sunday Malaysia time. Lincoln is behind 14 hours fyi. Was freezing cold when we touched down. 12.77 degree celcius. Did not wear my glove and totally learned from that so now I'll wear glove when we're outside. TQ and some of our seniors came to pick us up and luckily for that because I am totally not capable of moving my super duper heavy luggage to our respective rooms. Accommodation wise me and YY are leaving with Zane in her dorm, the 3boys (Jerry, Liang and Edy) are living in their one dorm and Angel is staying with Thing Yan. Poor girl got a bad roommate so she checked out.Food wise we ate american food for dinner yesterday and Mexican for lunch today. Nothing appetizing. Probably cause I don't really got the appetite. I'm able to sleep at night, totally famished! haha Have not got anything done yet but will post pictures and elaborate more when I get my own laptop!

2010-12-31T15:51:00.000+08:00

Finally finished packing. Luggage was slightly overweight so I had to repack. Packing is so tiring. I had to let go so many stuffs. going to get ready now.

don't ask what I'm feeling what I'm thinking because i don't even know myself. I suddenly lost the ability to express myself

2010-12-31T05:09:00.002+08:00

its so stupid that months ago I couldn't wait to leave but now that I am actually about to leave, I don't want to leave at all. I don't wanna leave so many people that I care for so much. Heavy hearted as hell because I will miss my loved ones so very much. They mean so much to me and I hope they know that.

ok emos no mores. I hope -_- haha

2010-12-30T19:46:00.002+08:00

packing with a heavy heart

home is where the heart is

2010-12-26T02:44:00.002+08:00

have been a real ass to everyone since I extracted my wisdom tooth. I feel pain 24-7 for 3days in a row already but I know that's not an excuse to mistreat my loved ones, specially the ones that cares for me so much and only wants the best for me. Family and friends.

Less than a week to my departure. There is so many things, so many people I am going to miss.

And today would be the last time I will be seeing the twins up till probably June 2011 when I come back. Luckily there is always FB to keep in touch nowadays, plus skype! But still, I will miss the rotting days with them no matter what. We didn't even get a chance to go KL shopping! ish

__________________

another small rant about my wisdom tooth. My family and I went for Shabu Shabu in Puchong today and it was super sad cause they were having all you can eat shabu shabu and all I had was soft boiled egg (ala carte) because it would be a major waste for me to pay for the buffet. But as usual, I have a very caring family and my sister always takes care of me so she cooked some stuffs for me, which although I could not eat, I still appreciates it. It was fun though, seeing them eat so happily. I will miss my sister very very much because we sleep together. Being a middle child, it is weird to have so much attention on you. I like it but I feel so shy about it. My uncle and auntie were talking about my departure stuffs and my parents were asking about the details and what not and that made me feel important and special. Cannot believe I am given a chance to do this!

2010-12-25T16:13:00.000+08:00

seriously fml. so torturing. 3rd day and it still hurts like crap! Slept at 11pm then woke up at 2.30am because it was painful and then slept back at 9am until 3pm. seriously. Feeling completely like crap!!!

Don't got you here when I need you the most

2010-12-24T22:38:00.003+08:00

some things cannot say start over then can start over adi. not a ps2 game, cannot reset the game over and over again and start from the beginning like nothing ever happened.

I honestly can't be bothered. There are much much more important things in life other than this. So, whatever.

2010-12-24T17:03:00.003+08:00

i feel super agitated because it hurts so fucking bad!!! ughhhhhhhhh

All i want for christmas is for the pain to go away! Then again, santa does not exist.

2010-12-24T08:46:00.003+08:00

woke up in pain AGAIN. tried to sleep back but it hurts so bad. jaws are shivering in pain. eating ice cream now....don;t do anything also pain. swallow saliva x 2 pain. :*( I want to eat solid food! Feeling so fucking hungry. ugh

2010-12-24T02:24:00.001+08:00

1 more week left here...

I will confirm be coming back in summer for 3 months (probably)! I wanted to work but my sister and mummy said they can afford it so I don't need to rush into working or anything.

Anyways, slowly starting to pack. Just unpacked from the penang trip now packing again. sienness

And extracted wisdom tooth today and it hurts like hell! I took the pill 30minutes before hand so I won't be awake throughout the small operation but I did not fall asleep at all! I was just very blur and groggy. But didn't really feel anything...I think. Cannot remember much! But I did remember tearing a lot and the dentist sewing my wound. *shivers*

It occasionally hurts that is why I'm taking the pain killers every 6 hours. The worst I felt was when I woke up after the surgery by the pain in my gum and cheek (which is about the time the injected anesthetic wore off). Pretty hungry but I rather not eat because chewing and swallowing saliva hurts. Been eating ice cream, yogurt and pudding for lunch and dinner. Not a big dessert fan but pretty happy about that. Really cheered me up.

Oh and talking about cheering me up, feeling really grateful to VV who fetched me to and fro from the dentist and bought me ice cream, Nami who accompanied me the whole day until dinner time, TTQ for as usual being a great boyfriend and comforting me when I was crying in pain and finding ways for me to ease the pain and Joshua for home visiting me awhile in the evening. Of course my family especially my mum for being very caring as usual!

I roughly had an idea that it would hurt because Almaz had hers removed some time ago and she told me about it but I did not expect it to hurt so bad. ugh But I really had to get it remove because mine was slanted. So now, I'm left with 1 wisdom tooth. Extracted my top two sides of wisdom tooth last year and it was a real walk in the park compared to this.

can't really open my mouth cause it's swollen plus the stitches is up till my inner cheek

2010-12-19T01:48:00.001+08:00

Penang for 4days! Back on Wednesday and then dentist appointment on Thursday! I have already extracted both of my upper wisdom teeth, and this time is my left side bottom wisdom tooth to be removed. but because the bottom ones are bigger (or something -_-) they have to be surgically removed. so will probably be home resting after the surgery. super duper mega not looking forward to that. ugh

2010-12-17T17:40:00.000+08:00

what's better than corn in a cup?

Corn in a cup + raisins! jizz in my pants (get it from any daily fresh counters)

the sweetness of the raisins compliment the corn very well. And once you're done with the awesome corn, you can call a friend over and have a "two girls and a cup" moment...

not again!

2010-12-16T23:32:00.002+08:00

the last time I cut my hair short(but not that short still after my shoulder) I told myself, only pretty girls can pull off short hair.

Now, I decided to dye my hair and I thought telling the hairdresser slightly after the shoulder means at least 1inch after the shoulder.....but...............he took more than that away. T_____________T Not that I don't like changed just that I can't afford to have changes. Don't got the pretty big eyes nor the bone structure to handle short hair. That is why I always opt to have long hair and always feel girls with long hair are prettier.

me no like........

If it stays this shape I don't mind but it doesn't!

But at least it is not as bad as my maria haircut as seen below. My hair was never like in the picture. It was very mushroom like. So below is a fake picture.

Anyways, gonna stop the complaining and see what can I do with it...-_-

Oh I'm pretty satisfied with the dye job. Hair smells so naice! Too bad TTQ not here to have a sniff of it. hehehehhehehhehehhehehe

Thought this would be the outcome of today's haircut......

I want my freaking long hair back... (around march/april last year)

slowly wait larh hor. haha

2010-12-09T23:20:00.002+08:00

Holiday has been naice.

Every morning is pretty sucky though because confirm got SOME ONE from SOME WHERE calling me up to tell me I have not do this have not do that I am in trouble and all those jazz. But then the day always gets better.

Last week I spent half of the day with my long time friends and half of the day I am busy settling my preparation for my Visa interview. I went to Standard Chartered bank 3 times. Through the jam and all those shits.:S Went Inti almost everyday last week and this week. :/

Anyways, am finally done. Have finally booked the interview! So I can sit back and relax and do my shopping now! :DDDDDD

This week is kinda a sporty week leaving my body feeling sore. haha Went for badminton before Nami left for Korea and swimming just this afternoon. I like swimming but am super embarrassed to swim because....I don't really know how to swim. shy (yes doing sports two times a week is sporty for me! haha weaaaaaak! I have this plan to run the treadmill everyday when I'm in the states but let's see how that goes....haha)

Anyways, going off to KL for holiday tomorrow and back on Sunday. Woohooo byebye

__________________________________

You have no idea how much I'm feeling the pre-departure blues. Cut the jokes about "aiyo you go there meet TQ happy what." It just defeats the aim of my father paying so much for me to go there. I am going there to study. Of course I am excited to see him but more than that I am excited to be given the chance to pursue my dream. I am the first in the family to go overseas to study and nobody knows how much pressure and hope I have lying on my shoulders. Not the most outstanding in my family because all of my siblings are overachievers, much much more outstanding than me in every sectors. Furthermore, both my parents started from humble beginnings and worked their ass off for a better life. So right now, my main goal for going to the states is to study and to broaden my horizons, I know we say this a lot in essays but I am really determine in wanting to see the world.

I am not only going to UNL because of TQ but also because that it is a good uni and what mainly lead me to want to go there is because I am given a scholarship with my current grades. Scholarship means a lot to my dad. He just needs to hear that word and he is more willing to pay. Amount matters that is why I want that motivation to keep me going when I am there. Not many uni provides scholarship to you every year. I know Nebraska is a small town and I don't mind. I want exposure, I can get it when I am working and capable of providing for a city life. I already question myself every night why do I deserve to be given such a chance. So much money poured on my future. Feeling like a 200k asset, burden. THAT IS WHY! MUST STUDY HARD! Don't wanna jinx it. hehe so I will stop the talking because as always, action speaks louder than words.

2010-12-03T22:44:00.002+08:00

28days left
________________

Feeling like a genius!! Like the man of the house because....I fixed my sister's laptop! oh yeaaaaah

2010-11-29T22:40:00.001+08:00

headache cough sorethroat running nose all I can handle. what i hate feeling the most is nausea and this constant pain in my stomach area. wannna vomit but i doubt i have anything to vomit. forced myself to eat but really couldn't take more than 4 mouthfuls. and i don't know whats wrong with me. I guess i have to go see a doctor tomorrow if the pain persists.

worst is i have so many things to do! including my visa and health check. last minute kills i know. shyt

2010-11-29T15:34:00.002+08:00

sick and body aches since finals but mainly, dodgeball friendly last saturday. really feeling like shit now.

and to think i just recovered. so not worth it......

2010-11-26T22:04:00.000+08:00

freedome!!!!!!!!!!

Was super happy to be free but then 20minutes of dodgeball i no energy adi. Now feel like tau fu. -_-

BUT I AM FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE~!!!!!!

meh shi

2010-11-24T17:18:00.002+08:00

I is hand itchy went and try my fake eyelashes. Bought them few months ago because erm thought maybe I might need to use it? aka waste money...-_- And was caught up to see so many people (damn!) wearing it. I bought those that were recommended by the seller and left it rotting on my dressing table collecting dust for a few months.

*bold word is actually a link*

So after seeing the link above, decided to try it on and see how big of a difference I would look. Fat hao a bit pai seh.

Anyways, like what the person in the link said, 世上無丑的女人 , 只有懒的女人.

With 1) Fake eyelashes 2) Colored contacts 3) Contouring brushes and those make up stuffs, confirm can look like you got it from your momma not your papa...

klarh enough with the words. Pictures!

Sorry take two pictures only I don't feel enough so I beh pai seh took 4.

Very troublesome to wear it. I admit I am a lazy person. Normally if not going out I won't even bother to bath. Or if I bathed and then my friends FFK I will feel I kena cheated like 16 year old school girl being cheat by the ham sap boyfriend to take off bra. Like I bathed for nothing. So doubt people would see this side of me in real person. Specially lately no motivation to even look decent. Wake up, brush teeth, change to spegetti strip but wear cardigan then go college. zzzz

kbye